This Is What I Can Control

I’m struggling.

I was doing really well for really long, but now I can feel my wall crumbling just a little.

It is disconcerting to see our world turned upside down with all the changes happening around us. Things we couldn’t imagine happening just a few days ago are now a reality. Quarantined towns, schools and colleges closed, sports seasons postponed or even cancelled.

I am not so worried about catching the virus myself. I am worried about about the people who are most at risk for complications of COVID-19, which includes people with heart issues. Including my 9-year-old daughter.

I am scared about the mass hysteria that is spreading more quickly than the virus. Preparation is NOT overreaction, but hoarding unnecessary medical supplies and spreading false information is. In fact, those things are dangerous.

At the same time, I am scared of those who are not taking precautions. Those who can’t see past themselves to see how this pandemic will affect others.

But what I might be most afraid of right now is the unknown. We don’t know what is coming next. Every hour things are changing so drastically. We cannot control this, and not having control is hard for me.

So for now I will take a deep breath and place another online order from Target to make sure I have a stocked pantry, even if I can’t order toilet paper or Clorox wipes.

I will call or text my friends for a moment of normalcy. We can validate feelings while being the voice of reason for each other that needs to be heard.

I will continue to live my life as normally as possible with all proper precautions in place. I will expertly wash my hands and social distance like this is a championship game I’ve been training for my whole life. Because I have.

And, I will be strong for my kids and hug my family a little tighter tonight.

These are the things that I can control, and so I will.

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