Scared To Go Outside

Yesterday I went for a run.

I’m scared to go outside, but I need to get out of the house every few days for exercise and sanity.

I prefer to go out on rainy days so that there will be less chances of seeing other people.

Sadly, I have become frightened of people.

If I see someone even in the far distance, I cross the street hastily and immediately.

The whole time I am outside my eyes scan hyper vigilantly for threats. And by “threats”, I mean people. Just regular people.

I jump when I see a flag blowing out of the corner of my eye. Then I breathe a [shallow] sigh of relief that there is no one there.

Yesterday I took a shortcut on my run down a different street because I saw an Amazon delivery truck idling in the distance on my usual route. I couldn’t risk getting near the driver if they got out to drop a package. I learned this lesson last week when I accidentally ran past a parked mail truck with the driver inside. Nothing happened, but I had to work hard to fight off a panic attack after that. Too close for comfort.

I am always extremely anxious and on high alert when I am not inside the safety of my own four walls.

I AM SCARED TO GO OUTSIDE OF MY DAMN HOUSE.

This is not healthy.

It makes me angry that I have to feel this way.

But for now this is how things are going to be, and this makes me so very sad.

Stay safe, everyone.

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